Mothers new video feels like a healing message to me. My heart has been bruised due to grief many times over the course of my life. I used to dread the pain of grief and fear feeling it because I never knew how long it would last or how bad it would be. At times my grief felt like a bottomless pit so I would dive into any distraction just to make it stop. I used to hear Mother's words when She would assure others that the intensity of their grief would fade to a soft sense of poignancy over time and in some cases leave altogether. But I couldn't trust that. Being a highly sensitive person and empath my emotions always felt so big. And if I didn't fix them, I would be stuck in them forever. Unfortunately, my attempts to fix my grief just led to burying it or delaying it by denying its presence. I don't recommend the credit card method of emotional experience. At some point, the bill comes due and I either have to face it and feel it, or continue to create a host of problems mentally, physically and spiritually that had nothing to do with the original event that caused the grief in the first place.
So when I'm finally willing to pay the bill, I have all these other side problems that have to be cleaned up as well. It's like starting with one problem and ending with ten. Needless to say, I have spent a lot of my time cleaning up my messes. Today I know that's because I'm human, not broken. Allowing my grief no matter the size or duration, getting the support I need for myself while I'm grieving, and being kind to myself during my grief is how I choose to experience grief today. It has been a slow train getting here and I find sometimes I still delay grief out of habit rather than desire but when I allow myself just to be within my grief, I feel luminous. It's as if all that is present within the grief elevates me to a higher plane of existence, one that holds me in love and life. I suppose for me it all comes down to my willingness to stop running from myself. I've come to believe that I'm worth staying for.
Thanks so much for watching Mother's video. Please share it with your friends and loved ones, especially those that are grieving. I'm so grateful you're here.