Not my favorite thing to look at inside myself. Because my answer is yes. Ugh. It’s not completely yes, just partially a yes. But still. I’m so glad Mother brought this up today because too often my self-centered fears like to convince me that I’m the only one who’s afraid to be happy. Like some kind of oddity that should be displayed under glass for all to gawk at. As I said, self-centered. But I know if Mother is bringing it up, I can’t be the only one who feels that way.
Mother focuses on an important point in this discussion, I have to let go of control to have deeper happiness in my life. Say it isn’t so! And She’s not just dangling the chocolate truffle only to snatch it away at the last moment, letting go really does make me happy. So the way I look at my whole spiritual life is finding enough courage on a moment-to-moment basis to let go and surrender into Her arms. It’s like those trust exercises where you fall backward and hope the strangers you’re paired with will catch you before you make contact with the floor.
Mother always catches me before I hit the floor, but she doesn’t keep me from pain or loss on the way down. What I mean by that is that I have things to experience in this life and some of those things are painful. But if I surrender that pain to Her, then I don’t have to manufacture misery through my self-centered fears and create suffering. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Those kinds of sayings used to make me grind my teeth. But my life is so hard! Can’t anyone see that!!! But really I was and have always been good at manufacturing my own misery. I do that by staying focused in I. My wants. My concerns. My fears. My if onlys.
Holding Mother’s hand and walking through my fears, no matter what is the form of courage I need to allow more love, happiness, and joyful laughter into my day. When I do that I become we and us. I still have my own experience but it becomes a co-creation with Mother and all those that I love and cherish. I hope you enjoy today’s offering from our heart to yours.